After calling Kraft to voice my considerable dismay with purchasing an entire package of Oreo Fudgees entirely without the promised three fun dunking messages when determining the content of those fun dunking messages was my sole inspiration for the purchase, I was sent a nice letter from the Consumer Relations department.

It was a fairly bland offering, sadly including no details of my complaint. I was offered condolences and regrets that the product “did not meet [my] expectations,” but whatever low level drone charged with composing and printing such letters for the affixed signature of the Associate Director had no stomach for addressing my specific concern. And, naturally, the letter did not take the simplest step to solve my dilemma: there were no dunking messages listed. There was, however, a coupon, giving us the chance to try again.

In the intervening time, a member of our household did indeed purchase another package of Oreo Fudgees to once again discover a small fleet of cookies identically adorned with nothing more than the product’s logo, which is not fun, nor does it specifically pertain to dunking.

We’d given up on the prospect of acquiring the desired information from any future cookie purchases, believing the promoted messages to be nothing more than an elaborate scam to sell treats to helplessly inquisitive souls. Then I arrived at my lush workplace today to be greeted by one of the benevolent, inspired, generous, gracious, ingenious students I work with bearing a trio of mass produced, cream filled sandwich cookies. Finally, after toil and trouble, I had the fun dunking messages in my hands.

I’ve been strictly forbidden from posting the relevant information here, or any photos of the messages delicately embossed onto the snacks, but we do finally have them. If it proves fruitful when our April activity rolls, I will surely share the triumphant news in this space. Until that time, thanks to all those who extended their hopes and prayers to us during this trying time.

(Posted simultaneously to “Jelly-Town!”)