Once the Academy Awards ridiculously came up with only two final nominees for the Original Song category, plenty of people were quick to respond with dismay, disgruntlement or downright animosity. It was evidence of a broken system or simply final confirmation that the category was entirely outdated, a relic of a different era of Hollywood when even the most serious-minded film found a way to wedge a number into the proceedings (there were fourteen songs competing at the 1945 Oscars). Then once the Academy announced that they had no intention of having either of the songs performed live on awards night, the second time in the past three years that they’ve gone this route, there was a fresh outcry from those who felt it was an abomination to exclude this facet of the show, apparently forgetting that the truly terrible has vastly outpaced the highly entertaining over the years.

The main thing all this ire about the dreadfully changing times conveniently ignores is that it’s been ages since this category had any genuine relevance, if it ever did. Sure, there are loads of songs that are now considered standards that can boast Academy approval, but it’s also famously the category that couldn’t make room for songs from A Hard Day’s Night (the winner that year was “Chim Chim Cher-ee”) or Saturday Night Fever (the year that “You Light Up My Life” won). Yes, it’s cool that “Shaft” won, but not a single song from a Bond movie has taken the honor. It’s such a misfit batch of honorees, especially across the past thirty years or so. Stephen Sondheim, Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan all have Oscars, as does Lionel Richie, Christopher Cross, Buffy Sainte-Marie and Melissa Etheridge.

One of the odder things about the progression of the category, at least since the influence of the rock ‘n’ roll era became undeniable, is the way its pendulum swung back and forth between obstinately celebrating only those who worked almost exclusively in the film field and spreading the gold to those who were towering figures in the realm of pop music. Springsteen won for “Streets of Philadelphia” and was nominated again a couple years later for a song from Tim Robbins’ excellent Dean Man Walking, but was entirely overlooked several years later for a song from The Wrestler that seemed like a natural choice. There’s a whole alternate Oscar history in which there’s no aversion to pop stars (and maybe a little more attention paid to those unique artists on the fringe that got an unlikely showcase on the soundtrack to a blockbuster) in which a deeply intriguing batch of performers got invited to Hollywood’s biggest night.

For example, wouldn’t the world be a little bit cooler place if David Bowie had an Oscar? Why not a Best Original Song win for “Underground” or “Absolute Beginners”? Hell, I’d even be happy if the words “Real,” “Cool” and “World” were etched onto the base of that trophy in succession. The Ralph Bakshi film it came from may have been bad (and, believe me, it was atrocious), but the song is terrific, a frenetic disco workout swirling around Bowie’s characteristically icy, alluring vocals. I doubt that anyone would rank it among his very best work, but it’s significantly better than the the other stuff he was doing around that time. I’d certainly rather hear it than that year’s actual Oscar winner.

I will concede that all this retroactive wishcasting could simply be a reaction stirred up by my grumpiness over the fact that the Academy foolishly ignored the actual best original song from an Oscar-eligible 2011 release.

David Bowie, “Real Cool World”

(Disclaimer: Bowie’s music has been collected in a multitude of different ways, so I can’t honestly say with authority that this song is out of print, but it seems that the Cool World soundtrack in unavailable in physical form and I similarly don’t see it hiding within the track listings of any of the many Bowie compilations you could acquire with a request to your favorite local, independently-owned record store. You can purchased the album digitally, but why would you want to do that? Besides, the are far better options out there if you’re looking to build up your collection and put some extra coins in the pocket of the erstwhile David Jones. Regardless, if I”m contact by anyone with due authority to request the song’s removal, and that person is making such a request, I will gladly and promptly comply.)