Charge it like a puzzle, hit me wearin’ muzzles

Earlier today, The Retroist posted an old TV commercial that got me thinking about the betrayals of my childhood years. Okay, maybe that’s unduly harsh, but I do have a short list of playthings that I longed for as a boy that never made it anywhere near my personal toy box. I considered writing up a brief, pungent post about these elusive plastic wonders, and set about finding images of them on the Interweb. The Sit ‘N Spin and Millenium Falcon were easy enough to find out there in the digital ether. Then I hunted for the granddaddy of them all, the coveted item that never arrived in my clamoring little hands no matter how many times I pleaded to Santa Claus. I hunted for the Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop. Like the others, visual proof of its existence was readily available. This time, though, I was stopped cold by the photo I found.

fuzzypumper

Take a look at the fellow in the barber chair, the one being raised up to allow better access to his unruly locks for the prepubescent stylist. He looks just like Harry Knowles, the proprietor of Ain’t It Cool News, and, realistically, a gentlemen you probably don’t want to be sitting near if he really likes a movie.

A similar, larger image from another source helps to make the staggering resemblance clear.

fuzzypumperbox2knowles2

This confirms something I’ve long suspected. Harry Knowles, while a very successful individual and a spirited movie fan, is not human. It’s not clear whether he is the product of daycare demonry, or some sort of horrifying new form of evolution that began with Weebles, progressing to Fisher Price Little People and Play-Doh barbershop patrons before finally settling on digital age film fanatics. Regardless, he must be stopped. If only Wesley Snipes weren’t so distracted. We need his heroism, now more than ever.

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